8.25.26
Is it realism or is it defeatism?
Lately I've been evaluating how my life has been going as things have changed. Both large and small. Both for better and worse. And it's... strange to think that despite my feelings about having a day job, despite all of my efforts to really prove that I'm apart of the comics industry, I don't think I really feel the need to try to make it my Number One Job anymore, you know?
Now don't get me wrong, I still want to and will be a writer, editor, and publisher for the days to come. I'll still be shilling out stories and working freelance, but I think that just might be where I exist for now. And maybe this is because I've been at my day job long enough to have some sort of sustainable pay or maybe this is because of the countless rejections I've gotten after working so hard to prove myself. But I also don't really think I need to prove myself anymore than I have. At least not for these larger publishers. I think I got so swept up in all of my peers' accomplishments; getting books published, getting to write for IPs, having editor credits in books I've dreamed of, etc etc that I kind of just expected to have the same kind of achievements. And you know, they say no one's on the same path, no one's going to have the same success, things take time. But it's helpful to remind myself that success doesn't look the same for everyone.
I'll admit (and remind myself), I've been pretty successful. I can sustain WildStar Press, I have a nice place, I'm not without, my cat's healthy- life for all intents and purposes is well for me! We're in an age of "more more more" and needing to be in the spotlight and I've realized that's kind of exhausting! I don't need to be the next Big Name in comics. I don't need to have my name on some IP. Now would it be cool? Yes. Absolutely. I'm not saying I'm shutting down the opportunity. If someone wants to hire me for a big project by all means. But I was just on a podcast and the idea of what I considered my "turning point" in comics made me realize that-
Oh. I have had milestones. Plenty of them. And the biggest one is that I get to make and publish comics. Not only that, but I have become such a staple for some in the community that I can confidently be a resource and pillar to just help out where I can. Comics are nothing without the people in it and I've done such a good job advocating just that, that I think I may have forgotten that I can just do what I want in comics and not be beholden to a title or a rule or someone telling me no. I've forgotten that I just know really cool people in the industry at various levels and we're cool. Do I talk to all of them everyday? No (lol I am open to chatting with them I just don't want to be awkward). But I know I could reach out whether it's to give them something I think they should apply for or share something I know they're interested in. Crazy how you can just make friends with people, you know?
And I feel like I've been on this soap box before, I probably have, but there's a vulnerable feeling of defeatism for not wanting to continue pursuing Big Comics (in an industry that's not sustainable mind you unless you have 18 projects lined up) and a moment of realization that maybe this is what I was meant to do.
Granted, I'll forever want to be sponsored by some rich person so I can just exist and never have to work, but where I am now... it's not so bad. Plus I can publish my own stuff through my press, so it's not like I'm not doing anything... I just... need to finish the projects... And the one downfall of having the day job I do is the exhaustion that it entails after........ but I'mma get these projects done I swear:
I know what my last blog said about income and switching priorities but I think I've been handling it all the wrong way and I just need to figure out a better balance. The real problem is I need less days of work but more money lol. But it's fine, I'm nothing if not organzied enough to have a plan of attack. Anyway, I've been listening and watching things:
See you in the stars 🌟